Truth be told, I still have days when I struggle with this retirement thing. The struggle isn’t as intense as a bit ago, (it’s only been 16 days) but as a dear friend accurately advised – the unease does come back in waves.

I am grateful for the good in my life: experiences, growth opportunities, serene surroundings, family, and friends. In my head I have it all, my narrative is sweet.

“Where to now?” the head asks.

“Look at all the possibilities.” it says.

“Pace yourself!” it demands.

Brené Brown’s latest book, Rising Strong, was sitting on my night stand unread. Its call became too loud to ignore.  Funny how books can do that, eh? Rising Strong now?  Why not?

Complete vulnerable disclosure…my word picture:

Bring to mind, if you can, the Apollo space capsules. Each mission accomplished much, not the least being a lunar landing, complete with a walk on the moon.  A literal charting of the unknown! As powerful as these experiences were, at the end of each mission the crews were inevitably faced with…


Shaking, free falling, the lost view of the horizon must have terrified them at least on some level. Would the landing be successful or would they dissolve during the rough ride through the atmosphere?

During my most fearful moments of uncertainty, it feels like I’m free falling, sometimes violently, through the atmosphere.

Not for a minute do I think think my experiences were at the monumental level of an Apollo mission, however; education/teaching for me was life changing. It really could be ‘out there’ at times.

Try as I may to keep my eyes on the horizon, try as I may to visualize all who have come before me landing safely, my mindsight is dimmed. How will this end?

Not one to succumb to terror what do I do? I must trust my re-entry process.

Lean into the discomfort…Brené says it works ~ that’s good enough for me. That coupled with a grounding belief that ‘better is possible’ I hold on, sometimes white knuckled, until my feet once again land on Planet Earth.  And land they do.

Eyes open, possibilities untold!

The Story of the Log Jam

This entry was posted in Education, Reflections, Retirement and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Re-Entry

  1. patwdoyle11 says:

    Carol – I have nominated you for a Leibster Award. For me, I had to pick bloggers who inspired me… and you do! Check out my latest post for your acceptance criteria! Have fun with it.


  2. patwdoyle11 says:

    Carol, I so hate to say this (and maybe it will not be that way for you), but even after a year in this retirement world, I still have the days I struggle. I read just the other day about thinking this new lie as training new muscles or learning new skills. Don’t they say it takes 10,000 times for muscle memory to truly be muscle memory, or that many times to become an expert at something! Well, I was a workaholic, and now I am learning to live. So yeah, there are many days I still feel like novice, make mistakes, do it “wrong”. It was interesting to see BK above use the term roller-coaster… it was the image I used in my last blog about the “lows”. So… set sight on your future, pull yourself out of the lows, and let the highs (and thrills) come!


    • Hi Pat.
      Amongst the free fall there are also times that I can feel the stress sliding off my shoulders. A big ‘ahhhh’. It’s still early in my journey, but the lows already are not lasting as long. I rant about living in the moment and now it’s my turn to do just that. I love your picture of the muscle memory. I’d forgotten that. Thank you. The part I like the best so far is that I get to pick what I WANT to do. I’m delving deeper into the area of Self-regulation and its importance for all of us. BUT I’m endeavouring to do so with balance. I’m following your blog and I appreciate that you have taken the time to record your wisdom for those of us following after you. Thanks also for taking the time to comment and encourage. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bakrawiec says:

    Thank you so much, Carol, for articulating so masterfully what your 16-day-out buddy feels, too. I take comfort in knowing that someone as wise and capable on the other side of the world experiences the roller-coaster, fearful ride, too! God bless you. We’ll make it! You’ll see!!! Thanks for free-falling with me!


Comments are welcome.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s